Thursday, August 30, 2007


Why is it that at the moment I know that an entire uncomfortable situation can be averted by simply keeping my mouth shut, my tongue turns into that annoying dog from down the street that just wont stay in his own yard...?

The Fates and Their Ant Farm

Funny how the best laid plans can fly out the window with a single look. how a lonely heart can go from so very empty to so very full in only a glance. how your face can literally ache from smiling so much. i hope it lasts. i hope it feels the same tomorrow as it does today. a connection, of the heart and soul and mind. seems so perfect. like two halves who've been wandering around their whole lives and then finally come together like opposite ends of a magnet. chemistry. easy easy conversation. agreement on everything substantial. how strange the fates. what games they play with us their ant farm. every so patiently watching from outside the glass. turning the tables and creating the moments that shape our forever. or lack there of.


Friendship is such a fine line between love and jealousy. magnetic personalities draw people together so hard and fast sometimes i find myself in the middle of someone, with out ever having taken the time to see them...really see. how do you know when to let the walls down. when to be honest and trusting exposing your skeleton (s) and risking judgement and denial. how far do you go, do you push your luck or play it safe and on the surface. do soulmates souls stay connected even when the minds do not. how is it possible to love completely and not know completely. is it jealous to want what they have, but not neccessarily want them to not have it too? overwhelming emotion, not expressable through vocabulary, when i cant even get my mind around that much joy ... how am i supposed to explain it to you, when i cant fully realize it myself.
my line is smudged, allowing love and friendship and need and want and jealously to all run together. and create the current that is you. boundaries...oh, right...never been one of my strong points.

The Brainwash

It is dark in the living room, in a chair, in the corner. The timepiece above the television displays 3:38 am. When something haunts me, hunts me, it helps to not go to sleep. You see, at night, during sleep, that’s when the dreams gain entrance. That minute chance at bliss that was subdued all through the day is allowed it’s moment at night, in the dark, when no one can hear it scream. Then it happens, like the breaking of a dam the thoughts arrive, flooding through the gates as soon as the conscious mind exits preparing the way for the dream.
The dream picks its victims carefully and precisely, knowing full well which inner folds to seduce to gain entry, it seeps though, seemingly innocent, unaware, yet fully intent on its purpose. It floods the cavity, filling the space left by the conscious, allowing the heart a play day, a opportunity to expound on the whims that the brain does not allow. The heart warms and welcomes the love, the lust allowing it to evanesce into the being, the wishes and hopes surge in along with past loves, future wants, and current passions filling the shell with completeness. The play continues without at curtain call, the puppets moving to my own direction, choreographing their every feeling, thought and outcome. Slowly the dawn must break, sending the party away as the clock on the mantle chimes, slowly vaporizing and exiting a la Cinderella back through the eyes, the lips, the fingertips, skirting out leaving just fast enough for the conscious mind to catch a glimpse, to find the slipper, to feel, to see enough, to know what it missed, what it desires, and what is absolutely out of reach, just enough to wash the brain, and break the heart


FAITH is such an interesting phenomenon, though used mostly in a religious context, I am finding more and more that it is just as meaningful in every aspect of our lives.
To have the faith in yourself to trust your path, your intuition, and you muse, both creatively and personally is something that is not easily found nor followed. I want to have faith in the fates, be they themselves, or a higher being or simply our own hearts and desires, that what is meant to be will truly be, that everything really does happen for a reason and that there is a plan for me, my life, my work, and my love. I want to have the faith that what I do is meaningful to others, whether they know it or not, that I am making a difference in their lives be it substantial or small, that my actions speak volumes about my soul, my heart, and my mind. I want to have the faith to take risks, creatively, personally and financially, in order to better myself and those around me. I want to have the faith that I have purpose, in my life and in the lives of others, and that my purpose is inherently good.

The Dance

The dance begins with that small look, a glimmer, a twitch of an eyebrow...Then moves onto a nod, an outstretched hand. The hope of a new beginning. Starting with large distance and proper manners, polite noises and bitten tongues, slowly as it evolves things get faster and more dizzying, the chance to turn back is behind, and forward is your only choice. You think you know exactly what you are stepping into, the time, steps, rhythm....But things are not what they seem, and your view gets tighter in, no more the luxury of the wide angle lens. You feel yourself aching to follow, to be led, the space is nonexistent, you are two halves of one whole, with the line where one starts and the other ends indistinguishable. You find yourself no longer able to carry your own weight, but being supported by the owner of your heart. You fight hard to regain your step, but it has been sacrificed, and long out of your control. As much as you want to hate it, you cant help but love, and feel love, no matter the circumstances, procedure, protocol. As you are swallowed into it, you know that you will never escape, and that you should be far more bothered by that, but you cant help but relish in the total dependency, and the safety of its embrace. You may drift away now and then, but it will always bring you back, where you belong.